Having an autoimmune disease and parenting can be a mixed bag of emotions. Parenthood while demanding, can be a fulfilling experience making your fight to overcome chronic illness wholeheartedly worth it. However, there are dark days when the weight of it all can feel overwhelming and it’s in those moments that you need to remember to have patience and love for yourself. Let’s take a closer look at parenting with chronic illness.
Personal Experience
I was a mom before I had RA. I had my first child without swollen wrists, fingers and achy hips. Springing out of bed to his beckoning nightly needs weren’t met with a stiff body like that of the “Tin Man” from the Wizard of Oz. I was healthy in the conventional sense and I was young and strong. Mothering with that sort of body felt like something nature intended. Fast forward ten years later with my second child, my now inflamed and chronically ill body felt like a barrier between me and the mother I wanted to be. I had to be mindful of how and when I picked up my newborn. My knees and hips ached, so no “springing” out of bed for me. I kept my little one close and relied heavily on breast feeding as bottle prepping just wasn’t in the cards for my stiff, weak and clumsy fingers.
Having the insight of two drastically different experiences has equipped me with gratitude and patience for myself. Being a parent or a new parent often entails giving a lot of ourselves to our children. Sacrificing sleep and personal care are par for the course. However, doing so with screaming personal health needs takes parenting to a whole other level. Whilst I did have the benefit of prenatal remission before the birth of my daughter, nothing prepared me for when the pain and stiffness came back.
Postpartum Flares Are a Thing
Research has shown that while some women experience an improvement in RA symptoms during pregnancy, the postpartum period can trigger disease flares or exacerbate existing symptoms. According to a study published in the journal “Best Practice & Research Clinical Obstetrics & Gynaecology” (volume 64, 2020), the first three months after childbirth are particularly critical, with an increased risk of disease activity. The exact reasons for these flares are not fully understood, but hormonal changes, the stress of childbirth, and potential disruptions in medication regimens may play a role.
The Importance of Planning
As the saying goes, “Necessity is the mother of invention.” If modify isn’t already a part of your own “chronic” vocabulary, I recommend you incorporate it sooner rather than later. Being a parent comes with its own challenges, but if there’s one thing that chronic illness has taught me, it’s that there’s almost always a way around obstacles. Self-honesty, learning to ask for help and (my very favorite) modifying are all ways we can be successful when it comes to parenting.
See Related: Chronic Illness Travel Tips: 7 Helpful Tips You Need
Here are a Few Helpful Tips:
1. Enlist Support:
- Reach out to family members, friends, or a support network for assistance with daily tasks, such as lifting or childcare.
- Open and honest communication with loved ones can help them understand your needs and limitations.
2. Baby Gear and Accessories:
- Invest in adaptive baby gear like changing tables with adjustable heights or cribs with drop sides to make caregiving more accessible.
- Consider using baby carriers or slings to evenly distribute weight when carrying your baby, reducing strain on your joints.
3. Time Management:
- Effective time management is key to preventing overexertion. Create a daily schedule or routine that includes built-in rest breaks.
- Prioritize tasks and delegate when possible to manage your energy levels more efficiently.
4. Childproofing the Home:
- Childproof your home to create a safe and accessible environment for both you and your child.
- Install safety gates, cushion sharp corners, and secure heavy furniture to prevent accidents and reduce stress.
5. Meal Preparation:
- Simplify meal planning and preparation by batch cooking or using pre-cut and pre-packaged ingredients.
- Involve older children in meal prep, turning it into an educational and bonding experience.
6. Diaper Changing:
- Reduce strain during diaper changes by changing your baby on a raised surface or using a changing pad on the floor.
- Explore assistive tools such as diaper changing stations with adjustable heights for added convenience.
7. Promote Independence in Children:
- Teach your children age-appropriate tasks to foster independence and lighten your workload.
- Encourage them to help tidy up their play area and assist with self-care routines when they are old enough.
8. Give Yourself Grace
- No parent is perfect and it’s easy to be hard on oneself- especially with a chronic illness.
- Pick up relaxing hobbies, such as crafting, journaling and even adult coloring
- Find joy in-between the stress of parenting and chronic illness.
Positive Perspective Goes a Long Way
We all want to do more than we can at times. This goes for anyone facing any sort of restrictive obstacle, not just the physically disabled and chronically ill. However, it’s important to maintain overall perspective. Instead of focusing on what you can’t do, focus on what you can do. My children aren’t always aware of the pain or discomfort I’m in and that’s a good thing. While they’re mindful of my limitations, I want their childhood memories to be filled with love. Last I checked, RA can’t stop me from kissing their pudgy cheeks, telling them how amazing they are and how much they are loved.
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