In 2025, dating is hard enough as it is. I cringe for some of my single friends who’ve had to navigate some extreme highs and lows which involve, the rollercoaster of ghosting, mismatched expectations, and the endless swiping culture. Through a professional development fellowship, I learned that job interviews and dating share surprising similarities: you present your best self, hope for a match, and move past the anticipated rejection. But lately, dating itself has started to look more like an interview process than a journey of connection.
Instead of approaching relationships with curiosity and an open heart, many singles seem to come in with a rigid checklist rather than a flexible wish list, searching for their version of perfection. But if dating is becoming as selective as a hiring process, where does that leave inclusivity? Are people truly open to diversity in dating—or are they subconsciously filtering out anyone who doesn’t fit a narrow ideal?
The Emotional Side of Dating
- Feeling confident in yourself: It’s easy to feel like a burden, but your disability doesn’t make you “less than.” If someone makes you feel that way, they’re not your person.
- Handling rejection: Rejection happens to everyone in dating, not just people with disabilities. It’s not about you—it’s just the wrong match.
- Knowing your worth: The right person won’t see your disability as a dealbreaker. They’ll see you.
See also: How Chronic Illness Changes a Person’s Attachment Style
People Get Weird About Disability in Dating
Tornike Asatiani, CEO of Edumentors, points out that people can act strange when dating someone with a disability.
“People get weird about disability in dating. Some act overly sympathetic, while others pretend it doesn’t exist. Both feel awkward. I’ve had dates who nervously asked, ‘Sooo… how does that work?’ and others who straight-up ghosted after finding out. But then there were people who surprised me. One date casually said, ‘Okay cool, tell me what I need to know, and let’s order dessert.’ That moment made me realize that the right people won’t see it as baggage. They’ll just see it as part of my life, and that is enough.”
This is a great reminder that the right person won’t make your condition the focus—they’ll just want to get to know you as a whole person.
Common Challenges & How to Handle Them
- When do you tell someone? Some people like to share right away, while others wait until they’re comfortable. There’s no right or wrong way—just whatever feels best for you.
- People acting weird: Some folks don’t know what to say. If they’re awkward but willing to learn, that’s one thing. If they act uncomfortable or make you feel bad, that’s a red flag.
- Dating apps—helpful or frustrating? Some mainstream apps aren’t great for inclusivity, but others (like Hinge, OkCupid, or niche apps) allow you to share more about your disability in a positive way.
Dating While Managing Your Health
- Energy levels matter: If you deal with fatigue or pain, plan dates that work for you—low-key hangouts, cozy movie nights, or short and sweet coffee dates.
- Communicating your needs: You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but if something affects your plans (like needing to rest or adjust an activity), being upfront helps set expectations.
- Making dating fun, not stressful: Dating should feel good. If someone is making it stressful or making you feel “too much,” they’re not the right fit.
The Right & Wrong Kind of People to Date
- Red flags: If they dismiss your needs, treat you like a project to “fix,” or make your disability a big deal in a bad way—run.
- Green flags: If they listen, ask thoughtful questions, and make you feel safe and valued—keep them around.
Therapy Can Make Dating More Rewarding
Dating with a disability or chronic illness comes with unique emotional challenges, but therapy can help navigate them. Lauren Hogsett Steele, a therapist at the Pittsburgh Center for Integrative Therapy, explains how therapy can make dating a more fulfilling experience:
“In my work as a therapist specializing in trauma and attachment issues, I’ve seen how chronic illness or disability can affect dating and relationships. People might experience anxiety and emotional regulation challenges, significantly impacting their relationship dynamics. Therapy can help process these stress responses, making dating a more rewarding experience.”
She also points to Polyvagal Theory, which helps people understand their nervous system responses and communicate their emotions better in relationships.
“Furthermore, many clients have found the Safe and Sound Protocol helpful as it improves feelings of safety and connection. By optimizing their capacity for calm social engagement, individuals can feel more secure and present, ultimately enriching their dating experiences and relationships despite living with chronic conditions.”
Final Thoughts: Love Is for You, Too
Dating with a disability or chronic illness comes with its own challenges and considerations, but that doesn’t mean you have to settle. The right person won’t just accept your condition, they’ll accept you for exactly who you are.
So put yourself out there when you’re ready, stay true to what you need, and remember: You’re just as deserving of love as anyone else.
What has been your experience with dating with a disability or chronic illness? Tell us in the comments below
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